The Elementary Rules of How to be a Dark Lady
by Lupa Eyed Azule
Summary: The title explains it all. Please read. And I DO NOT apoligize if I offend anyone, grow a backbone, or get some armor. If you don't like what I write too too toodly too bad!
1. Chapter 1

The Elementary Rules of Being a Dark Lady

**Numero Uno, It's all about the Attitude!**

**I mean you got to strut your stuff. Show'em who you are and if they don't like it have one of you countless minions evicerate them. Your attitude is the key factor in the defining line between idiotic bimbo and Dark Lady. And I do mean Lady. NO not those sissy fainting kidnapped by dragons rescued by noble knight happy ending weak will nimbby wimps. I'm talking Dark Lady. Dark you know? Dark Lady? Befriends the dragons makes the noble knight her willing slave takes over the Kingdom and rules for all eternity! You know what I'm talking about. If you don't then your reading the wrong guide line please leave and go to the Happily Ever After Oh I Broke A Nail (Or how to be a weak willed wimp who lets everyone walk all over you) Guideline. **

**Whoo. Now that the fainting fannys have left lets continue shall we. First and formost: It's all about The Name. **

**Let's face it every Dark _Lord_ has been awful when picking names. They are so horrible. I mean Gwinderwald, Voldemort. Come on! Now Dark Lady's we fot it good with such names like for instance Morgana. Now there was a good Dark Lady. So pick a good name. Something elegent, mystical, butiful frightful, nothing plain or stupid sounding. Shakespere wrote that famouse line 'What's in a name a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.' Well hun a rose named 'shit' ain't gonna be smelled in the first place. And if a Dark Lady has some stupid name like Daffidil ain't nobody gonna take you seriouse. So there!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Alright Moving On, in other words I have gotten more chocolate chip cookies and can now continue on with my insane rampage.**

**A little insanity is A Good Thing.**

**It's true. A large amount and you loose touch with the world but a small amount can be very useful. **

**Insanity: To lose touch with the real world.**

**Little Insanity: Those with a slight insanity See connections and strategies that most don't. To be a little insane is to be eccentric. The eccentric often make great leaps and bounds. Making connections in seemingly unrelated facts, yet coming to a conclusion that, although one cannot imagine How they came to it, inevitably proves to be correct.**

**Now that you have read that sentence back-up and re-read this part "although one cannot imagine HOW" said eccentric came to this conclusion. Think on that for a moment.**

**The old addage "Know Thy Enemy" holds true even today. If you know, truly know your enemy you can out wit them. You Know their reaction to every situation. Their every strategy is in you hands. You don't need Spys ,though they are useful but we'll get back to that later, if you can predict what your enemy is going to do before They even know it.**

**And if You are slightly insane No One can predict you. No one can Know your strategy because you strategy is always making leaps and bounds along connections only you can See. This is the Ultimate in mental weapons, well that and Intimidation. **

**Of course if you are your enemy is Male you don't need any of this for two reasons.**

**The first is because deep down they underestimate us. Come on you've see it. The look in the eye the condescending tone. I mean you threaten to punch a guy and he Laughs. **

**Now I'm not saying all guys are like this. Some of them woke up and realized that we are equal, if not better after all without our guidance they would have destroyed the world ages ago, Gods know they've tried a time or two…or three or four.. actually I think we've lost count. And of course those who didn't wake up on their own have been Helped along by Females they have in some way or form gotten involved in who have educated them in the error of their ways.**

**The Second is very simple most men, if not all, cannot even begin to fathom how a Woman thinks. It's true no matter how clear we try to make ourselves there will be gross misunderstandings. They, males, say "You can't understand women their all crazy." **

**Of course we Woman say, "It's not like you can expect a Man to understand, they don't have enuff brain cells."**


	3. Chapter 3

The Lady's demand that I consume more sugar and continue belting out my thoughts at the tops of my lungs,

…**.. well who am I to argue with a command like that?**

**What shall I rant about currently…(Puts finger on chin and pretends to think REAL hard).**

**Let's talk about fashion. That's right the ever changing 'Oh My God If I Don't Have the Latest Fashion in Jeans, Shirts, Purses, Excetra, My Life Is Totally Over!'**

**DO NOT get caught up in the Hype! Now if you want to blend in go right ahead spend coporious amounts of money on something that you will wear once and then discard for the next 'Fashion' that comes along.**

**Girls there is something out there that is SO much better, not to mention longer lasting, and that is…… Style!**

**If you want to 'make it' as they say, weither you idea of 'making it' is a nice job, life, respect, or of course my personal favorite World Domination! Note: World Domination has not happened yet, and I do believe it is because no Female, Dark Lady with the Brains to back it up, has ever seriously tried to 'Take Over the World'. If you know of one do please tell me it would be interesting to read about. After all we must learn from our mistakes, starting with the one letting those nincompoops take charge in the first place!**

**But back to Style, as I was saying you absolutely Must have your own Style something that is uniquely you. Something that will Scream to the world 'Here I am! Defy me if you Dare!' You style will be your image, the face that you present to the World.**

**So answer me this do you want a image that changes with the mainstream that practically screams 'I have no personality! No image! I am Just Like Everybody Else. One of the millions who are Exactly Alike down to my very Thoughts!', or do you want an image that steps out of the crowd and says 'This is who I am. This is what I believe in. I will not change just because 'Everybody' else is.'**

**Your Mama probably said this when you where younger, "If everybody else jumped off a bridge would you?" You probably said no…**

**Well hun let me tell you there ain't a Hell of a lot of difference in jumping off the bridge and walking in a Daydream where you act like Everybody Else.**

**Everybody else, society's perfect view the A typical standard to which all are held up to and expected to follow the example of.**

**We may be able To Vote, but what goods that going to do us if we don't because we've been brainwashed to be Just Like Everybody Else.**

**I mean it's natural to want to be like everybody else. We are afraid of rejection. Of being tossed out on our own. Humans by nature are mostly pack animals. We congregate because we fell safer in a crowd. **

**Well Damn the Crowd and state you Name! You are you and You are and can only be You. Don't be afraid to be tossed out of the crowd. Don't worry there are those of us that will be waiting for you out there. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay! Let's get back on track shall we? **

**As the title says this is basically the Beginners addition of Becoming a Dark Lady**

…**.. so lets get this started.**

**Men. Now this topic is far too vast, not to mention mind boggling, for me to cover so we'll stick to a few pointers.**

**You must manipulate them. **

**Now some of them will think you are weak, go ahead and let them think that. You make them want to be Your knight in shining armor. They must adore you, cherish you, and above all else underestimate you.**

**Now this could be a problem as they will most likely get in your way. Lets face it what good are they if they are always stepping on your toes? However it is a good idea to have a few around. Why you ask? Entertainment for one thing. You have no idea how funny it is to see these guys 'fight' for 'Your honor'.**

**Especially when they lie on the ground mortally wounded by their opponent just to see you walk up and plunge a dagger thru said opponents heart. **

**Now on to the second type….**

**These can be any type but with a little manipulation they can be Yours.**

**They will be so charmed by you that they are totally devoted to you. They Live to serve you. Order them to do something and no matter how many die they will keep on trying until it is done.**

**So what do you do?**

**What you have been doing your whole life, weither it's your parents or you friends or your boyfriend, you manipulate them.**

**You pull their strings. **

**But this time you go one step further….**

**You make them feel that they are unworthy to be in your presence, that to lick your boots is the greatest honor. That one word of praise from your lips is worth eternal damnation. **

**It can be done.**

**Go ahead pick someone out to experiment on.**

**Find out what makes them tick, charm them, bedazzle them, romance them. Men have been playing that game with women for hundreds of years, but…**

**.. we Invented this game. **

**We may be a bit rusty from not playing for a while. But one thing we have is that this is a Womens' Game, they may have been playing it but their like a three year old playing chess. They only win because we let them. We are the Mistress of this Game. **

**One word of caution DO NOT sleep with them, you can eventually but not until they are Yours Body, Mind, and Soul.**

**Mold their minds like silly putty. Make them into what you want. Eventually they will be like dogs, like the dog you kick who comes back begging for more.**

**But even better if you can take it one step further they will still be dogs but they won't need to be kicked because they will be so devoted that they would rather kill themselves then disappoint you, you won't need to kick them they'll do it them selves. And when they come crawling in knowing they failed, show a little leniency.**

**If you beat them they will come to hate you, but if you show mercy. most of the time not always… sometimes examples need to be made, but if you show mercy they will love you all the more for it.**

**So go ahead play the Game……**

**You've already won, they just don't know it yet.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Fem Fatale**

**That something that just sinks into your mind. Draws up images of women in black leather with guns and knives. Tough women who scream 'I can do anything I want and you can't do nothin' about it'**

**The master of her inner predator.**

**After all aren't females always more fierce than the males?**

**When you reach the status of Fem Fatale you are one of the top….**

**Well I would say dogs but we aren't. We either Lady's or we Kittens.**

**Saw a sticker once, "the sweetest kittens have the sharpest claws." Kinda apt ain't it.**

**So this chapter?**

**Well I'm feeling a little restless so this chapter is about accepting your inner Hunter. There is a predator in all of us. Deep down. It's in our blood, in the very marrow of our bones. Men have been trying to breed it out for years. So much so that today some women faint at the sight of blood. **

**Of course they didn't realize that this is two fold so we also have men who faint at the site of blood. :Sigh: They do seem to always lean ( run full tilt) towards there own destruction, unfortunately they intend to take us with them. Not while I live and breath. No way in Hades.**

**Good thing they didn't succeed. Oh they may have suppressed it buried it deep down. But it was still there just waiting for someone to call it, hidden deep behind your heart. Heard in the sound of your heartbeat. It dwells in the deepest recess of your soul.**

**Listen, can you hear it?**

**It's the sound of the Feral. Of that which has been tamed and chained, that which has escaped. Follow your instincts, you'll definitely have loads of fun.**

**Fem Fatale **

**The Fatal Woman.**

**So feared and yet so necessary. You are one of the ultimate predators.**

**But unlike certain males you don't go mad from it, you are in tune.**

**A Hunter of Hunters.**

**So go ahead take a walk on the wild side. Once you do you'll never want to go back.**


End file.
